Today marks day 10, which happens to be 10 days away from my departure to Kenya. I find myself with tears in my eyes almost every day, overcome with countless emotions about my trip: excitement, nervousness, anxiety, fear, joy, overwhelment. To my surprise, the emotion that has shown up consistently (and relentlessly) is fear.
It's a funny thing, fear. It so easily starts to take over, occupying fearless places of your mind, creating stories. I couldn't help but wonder, what am I fearful of? And why? When I started this challenge, my intention was "go with the flow." Every practice is different, our bodies react differently every day, not to mention our minds. I committed to taking on each practice as a brand new one, and embracing the emotional rollercoaster that each one would bring.
During my practice today, some answers surfaced around my fear. The theme of the class was "shift your perspective." What did I need to shift my perspective on? My practice? No. A relationship? No. A situation? Not today. As I started to breathe and move it became so clear, like huge letters on the wall screaming at me. I need to shift my perspective around my fear. I've let my feelings of excitement, joy, and overwhelment be taken over by fear, creating stories that I'm not prepared, won't be enough for these people, and won't have the tools to deal with the transformative journey I'm about to embark on.
The shift that needs to take place is so evident to me: rather than be fearful, I choose to be vulnerable. With vulernability comes utter authenticity and the rawest version of me. Choosing to be vulernable, rather than fearful, is, ironically, freeing. There's nothing to fear with authenticity - I know I will show up raw, organically, and fully.
In 10 days I will embark on the biggest journey of my life thus far. I'm prepared, and ready. So, bring on the vulnerability! And when you unroll your mat tomorrow, ask yourself: "Where can I shift my perspective?" You might be surprised.
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